Half Dead? • View topic - "Just heading out to get some milk love"

"Just heading out to get some milk love"

As youngsters finding time to skate isn't generally a problem. Hell - finding time for anything ELSE can be the problem! In adulthood though, we get responsibilities, lives, work and families. How do you integrate all of these?

Moderator: leebryan

"Just heading out to get some milk love"

Postby leebryan » Thu Jul 04, 2013 4:44 pm

Adult life can be rough. Once you have a partner, relationship, kids, house, cars, job there's precious little time left for anything. It's so easy to get swamped in it all, until one day you get a half moment to yourself and you find yourself thinking "I haven't skated in ages". You go find your dusty musty equipment and all of a sudden that thirst comes back. You gotta go skate. How do you change it all so you can get out and roll? What strategies have you tried to change your life so you can skate regularly again?

About 50% of the 2000 or so who answered the survey had returned to skating after a break, and a lot of the stories revolved around drifting out of it due to other life pressures. Time to share! How do you make sure you get to skate regularly?
leebryan
Site Admin
 
Posts: 54
Joined: Sun Apr 14, 2013 4:46 pm

Re: "Just heading out to get some milk love"

Postby too loose le truck » Fri Jul 05, 2013 11:46 am

Build a ramp in your backyard! I built a four foot mini in my backyard. The kids love it. Here is a link to a video from yesterday. http://youtu.be/FNDfRTZ5PYQ
I am not in that video, it's my kids and their friends.
User avatar
too loose le truck
 
Posts: 7
Joined: Tue Jul 02, 2013 7:42 pm

Re: "Just heading out to get some milk love"

Postby leebryan » Sat Jul 06, 2013 6:36 am

I would love to build a ramp in my backyard. Bit tough as I'm in a second floor condo, but I love the principle. When I get another house, I want to do the whole build it yourself pool thing. I rode concrete a lot growing up, and still love it. It's pretty rare where I live though, so having your own seems the way to go. One guy who lives around here took it to the extreme and has built a micro in his living room. There are other indoor ramps around, and most are welcoming to outsiders. Facilities are only one part of the equation though. I find that keeping a consistent drive and presence for skating in the family life is super important. If they don't know how important skating is to you, of course it's going to be swept under the tide of family responsibilities. This took me decades to figure out, and I spent a lot of unhappy time trying to make relationships work that didn't respect skating as an integral part of me. I'm done with that now. Ill skate until I'm physically unable to, and then ill while my time away with finger boards in sinks drooling into my phone as I watch the latest ride channel clips. Some would call that an addiction. I think it's an infection, but a fantastic one.
leebryan
Site Admin
 
Posts: 54
Joined: Sun Apr 14, 2013 4:46 pm

Re: "Just heading out to get some milk love"

Postby ancientskater » Fri Jul 19, 2013 2:41 pm

This is the issue I resonate with the most. It's a constant struggle to get in my skate time. It's a juggle too, and I know I've dropped other things that are, or should be, important.

If I was independently wealthy, or had such an income to where my work day or work week was shorter, it wouldn't be as much of an issue. My wife and I do not have kids, but both of us have desired careers that are not yet profitable and are like kids in that they require lots of time and energy in order to flourish. (For me, stand-up comic. I've toured the country for years doing it, I do love it, but...) After devoting many years to my desired career, and after seeing some promise of growth, I have come to admit to myself that it no longer interests me like it used to. I'd much rather skate than devote endless hours networking and honing my former labor of love. This drives my wife crazy.
Day after day, I work a low income flexible job that had always been meant to be a flexible interim occupation while my difficult chosen career ideally gets going. However, come evening time I always loathe the idea of doing my "career in progress", I opt out, and I want to skate.

At first my wife was supportive of the skating, seeing how much fun I have. But now about 10 months into my skate revival my wife has issued a series of ultimatums about skating that threatens to seriously harm my skating, our relationship, or both. ( Throwing away my board, calling my 70 year old parents and in-laws for an intervention!). She's a wonderful wife, that's not an issue. In fact she's just trying to encourage me to stick to our plans to succeed financially, trying to keep us housed and out of the bread line. My jokes were recently used on late night tv, meanwhile we got evicted over 35 bucks!She wishes to see me maximize my potential. She FREAKS out when I'm injured, and that's way too much in the last ten months. I incurred a 3 thousand dollar hospital bill (torn ligaments, an injury that cost me a job for comedy central),plus all kinds of other injuries. My broken fingers right now actually cost me a couple grand because I couldn't do a shitty labor job that I didn't want to do anyway. On top of that, like I already mentioned, I have now close to zero interest in networking and spending my free time continuing to work on my potentially very lucrative "career in progress".

So I understand and have compassion for my wife's growing disdain of skating. It's not that it's "skating" in and of itself, it's just what skating isn't: lucrative. I'm forty and usually have about 5 dollars. I'll now easily go overboard and spend HOURS skating, reading and writing about it, blogging it, watching videos. I've gone to an extreme that would be viewed as an addiction regardless the object. So I get it, I understand her perspective.

As I write, my wife is out teaching a class for a couple hours, and I didn't procure work today. She's got my day earmarked with what I consider boring stuff. Often, I kind of sneak in my skate sessions while she's working so it doesn't become a huge fight about me wasting time. Sometimes I have a work or art gig that ends late at night. In those cases I often squeeze in an hour of skating before I even tell my wife I'm done with my gig. These slightly devious ways are how I manage to get in my skating. Of course I very often blatantly go skating with no alibi, but invariably after a few of these there's going to be a fight unless there's a big paycheck coming. I don't like to constantly be skating under the radar - Damn I didn't have to do that as a kid!!! - but there's just too many factors and responsibilities that drain my time and energy otherwise.

Long post. Last example:
Yesterday I worked a money job from dawn until about 6pm. Instead of skating under the wife radar, I went home, got my board, texted my wife that I'd skate one hour once I got to my skate spot. Fifteen minutes later she's texting and calling. When am going to be done? I tell her, 45 more minutes. Thirty minutes later, I'm about to land rolling tre flips for the first time, she pulls into the parking lot. She actually had great news for me about her career, that she actually works on, and wanted to celebrate with a special dinner. After congratulations, I told her I needed fifteen more minutes. Seems petty, but as an adult skateboarder it's a constant struggle to get roll time. and I have to spend extra energy to escape the force field of two jobs, career hobby and marriage just to do the only thing I want to do despite my age: skate.
User avatar
ancientskater
 
Posts: 17
Joined: Fri Jul 12, 2013 9:50 pm
Location: Hollywood, Los Angeles

Re: "Just heading out to get some milk love"

Postby leebryan » Wed Aug 07, 2013 2:49 am

Oh man - elements of that resonate only all too well with me, and I suspect with quite a few others too. First - positives. You're "addicted" to skating which brings you untold benefits in stress management, physical exercise and mental well being. It also makes you ridiculously cool, and fits in well with your chosen career in comedy. Now the negatives. Like most 49 year olds - I can sympathize with your wife's point of view. She's freaked out because her main priority is making sure you both have a home and food, utilities etc. It's Maslov's hierarchy of needs all over again, except that she is being driven far more strictly by it than you are. I can totally understand from her perspective that if you get injured, and that injury impacts your ability to provide what you'd both agreed you would, she's going to get stressed. Imminent destitution will do that to a person. There are only so many solutions to this, and everyone is different, but here's my take on it. Please bear in mind I have absolutely no professional qualifications in this area, and could well be just spouting BS. Take it or leave it but don't come crying to me if anything I say has dire consequences. Results may vary :-)

1. Things stay as they are. The stress level will increase, and you'll probably end up splitting up unless you can both compromise. From personal experience I can say that a skater's view of life can be radically different from a "normal" spouse, and sometimes that gap can be so wide that you just can't come together on issues. Take it from someone who went through it - if the stress level is getting to you to the point where you're depressed, having anxiety attacks, thinking of skating off of a bridge or under a bus or anything like that - you need to take a good long hard look at where you're at in your life and assess if that's really where you want to be. Be prepared to walk away if the results of that assessment are anything but "we can make this work".

2. She chill's the hell out and allows you some space to have this part of you fully in your life, so you don't have to get all clandestine and stealthy. Maybe I'm the consummate pessimist here, but from what you've described I don't think this is likely. That business of insisting on your extra 15 minutes? Oh boy - I can see her face boiling up in my mind when you're doing that. That doesn't sound like a good way for people to approach the subject of individual activities and how they fit into your collective lives. It sounds like she's pretty far down the agitated path. Reading between the lines, it also seems like she's getting increasingly desperate and probably has some control issues. It's up to you how much of that you will deal with in any relationship. Only you know if it's worth saving from your own perspective. Just listen to your heart. You're a big boy - you know stuff. Trust in that.

3. You cut down on the skating a little, making sure she knows what that means to you, and you ramp this imminent train wreck down a couple of notches. I know how all consuming skating can become. Every skater has their own way of balancing life's other responsibilities while still getting their shred on regularly. If you go down this road, it's important for you to talk this through openly and agree (semi) formally on some time you will have to do this. To me - that's a huge compromise on your part, because if you're like most of our brothers and sisters, creativity doesn't like to be scheduled and you'll find frustration as the urge to go do something doesn't fit into your allotted times in the week. It's a very personal mix, and only you know what you can take and not take. It's also (and this is critical) necessary for you to mentally accept the compromise and not get all tweaked out when those times come when you desperately want to skate but can't because you've committed to other things. Again - that can be a very tough thing for a heavily addicted skater to do.

I sympathize so much with your position. Whatever happens, don't let the extremes dictate how you solve it. "Nothing in life is black and white".
leebryan
Site Admin
 
Posts: 54
Joined: Sun Apr 14, 2013 4:46 pm

Re: "Just heading out to get some milk love"

Postby ancientskater » Tue Oct 01, 2013 2:29 pm

LEE! Thanks so much for the quite thoughtful and thorough response to my dilemma. While being addicted to skating, I'm also a complete rationalist and so all these bits of advice made perfect sense. Thanks also for the reminder that there is no, "black and white" here. Middle path very often seems to be the correct approach.
Update: I love my wife to no end, and she loves me, so there is no break up happening. Yeah she's got some control issues, but I think lots of it is just normal instinct as you wrote, accented by my naturally rebellious nature. Yet it probably isn't as bad as my one example made it sound. In fact, she's super easy going compared to what could be happening. For example, for 5 years I was on tour about 4 or 5 days per week, sometimes gone for a few weeks in a row. No control issues there. She actually has even recently been telling me about skate spots she finds. Sometimes when she sees me stressing out about work recently she's actually encouraged me to go skating. So, I'm proud to say that all things evolve. I've adapted too. Part of this is because we had a financial/housing nightmare to deal with after my post, and the reality of it was too stark to even allow me to enjoy skating for awhile.
For the solution to the problem, though it was a bit hard on my ego, I ended up reducing my skate time. Had to happen. Not just for her, but for my career and my finances. I even heard Dane Cook was on the radio talking about my career, and where is it going. Oh yeah, for sure every now and then I get to bliss out with a long session, and I love that. The way it's been playing out lately though looks like this: I put in a long day working on stuff. I don't take day trips to ditches or skateparks (I don't really care for skateparks anyway, but I would love to eventually learn to skate bowls better). There are no more daily 2 to 3 hour sessions. Occasionally I take an entire 24 to 48 hours off from skating altogether. Hard to do, but actually it allows some of these bruises to heal. For the most part my new skate life involves skating for a pretty tight 60 minutes about 2 blocks from our house in a parking lot with a manual pad. Usually after 9pm. I'm probably one of the more militant skaters in my Mullen-like regiment of practice and drills, warming up with old stuff, goofing a bit and working on new stuff. I've had to actually give thought to how to prioritize what to work on and what can be shelved for a few nights (for example, if I'm working on tre flips, I'll abbreviate my warm up to include varial flips and kickflips, but I won't spend time with heelflips or manuals that night).
My wife also has compromised, or maybe just come to accept more that it is part of my passion and foundation and so she's been more flexible herself. Especially since she's seen me compromising.
Also, in a way ironic twist, I actually started earning a little money skating too!!! What!!!??? I was hired as a stunt skater for a program on Fox TV. It's a limited gig, but it was a super turn around to see that one of my passions also brought home a few paychecks.
I'm a pretty dramatic dude. Who isn't as an adult skater? So I do admit that I was quite dramatic in my frustration during my August post.
Currently we even have some nice skate humor going on. The other day I actually was haggling with her about how many stairs near a rail she's willing to let me try (thinking boardslide, but frankly I haven't found a low enough rail yet, other than in a skatepark, and I just don't have time to get to skateparks while they are open). She's holding firm at 3 stairs.

Lee, I want to thank you profusely again for both the advice and for starting this forum. I've been away from it for awhile during my time crunch. I only made like 9 entries to my own blog in September.
User avatar
ancientskater
 
Posts: 17
Joined: Fri Jul 12, 2013 9:50 pm
Location: Hollywood, Los Angeles

Re: "Just heading out to get some milk love"

Postby TallDrink » Thu May 15, 2014 11:22 am

Hey Guys! Just joined the Half Dead community and love reading through the forum posts. It's nice to know that as a forty year old dude who skates, I'm not alone! Of course, I knew that already: in my town there are several OG skaters, but the main difference between them and me has been that while I left the sport and am coming back, they never left. So I feel a certain sense of isolation, even though I've been welcomed with open arms- or at least a slight nod of the head!
So many of the posts here ring true to me that it's as if I discovered some magic portal to a land where everybody knows your name and everybody feels the same, which I guess I did. I was going to reply to Too Loose Le Trucks' post about the mini-ramp in the back yard, and will, but then I read Ancient Skater's and Lees' posts and things got heavy. Ancient Skater I feel your pain and as far as the addiction goes, I'm right there with you. When I started up again a couple years ago my wife rolled her beautiful eyes a little and waited for what she assumed was the inevitable to occur: rampant OCD-like focus on skateboarding followed by a waning of interest until finally the board lies dormant, dusty and discarded in the garage with the other 'misfit toys'. Given my past love affairs with other sports her assumption was perfectly understandable. What she didn't know, or didn't take into account, was the fact that I was an avid skateboarder back in the 80's. And while I'd put the skate away for 25 years it never really left me. The physical aspects went into hibernation but you never really look at things the same once you've had maple and urethane under your feet...
I'm starting to ramble here but what I wanted to say about my wife was that while she wasn't wrong to assume this fascination of mine would pass, when it didn't she became pretty supportive. To a point. First of all she could see how much joy it brought me. My whole being would change after coming back from a session. Any stresses any burdens that had built up during the day died off after an hour in the park. And my wife and daughter (and now a son too!) were direct beneficiaries to that lightened load and enlightened mind. Secondly, and this ties into the topic of "Normal Life" Integration, as far as pastimes or hobbies go, at least for me, one to two hours once or twice a week isn't that bad. I used to be an avid mountain biker and rides would often last three to four hours, especially if you went and had a pint afterwards. Ditto for golf. But once all the dishes are done, dog walked and kids put to bed, that hour is mine! And for now that's all I really need. Maybe if my endurance builds I'll be able to have longer sessions for for now it's all I need.
Granted, if all it was was a couple hours of skating a week there wouldn't be any problems. I'm also consuming skate videos like chips in a bag. Any reason to hop on the computer is started and ended with a visit to one or two skate related sites. And of course, "one or two" means ten to fifteen! I've got three boards built up for various conditions, not including the board I put together for my daughter: skateboarding is the Sun that my planet revolves around. My excuse to any who ask is that I'm making up for twenty-five years of skateboard neglect but my wife and I both know that it's my obsessive-compulsive nature manifesting itself!
So ya, long story short, normal life integration is a constant struggle. Anyways, thanks Lee for putting up this site and I'll see ya in the park!
TallDrink
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue May 06, 2014 4:58 pm


Return to "Normal Life" Integration

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron